I started writing this on June 14th, 2017.

Here it comes again!  Nearly ten years later to the day.  WTF?! Some truths must be dealt with in person.  I think?  My sister’s death.  June 21, 2007.   Dad, to me, “Have a nice life.” -June 2017.  Not sure what that ment.  Never will now as though it seems.  Had always gotten along with my dad but he lived in denial about my mom.  Lots of resentment and anger left behind.  Trying to figure how to clean up that mess.  My weird humor just makes me laugh out at how things turned out.  What-the-Fuck!  I think that was the call I didn’t want to make.  Would rather have avoided.  But, did.

Now that leaves just a couple of things to tidy up that mess and then let it rest in peace like I should have done the day of her funeral.  I so was afraid of what I might say, or do.  Embarrass them in front of whoever showed up.  Maybe I could have let it rest then and missed my opportunity, the stage was set that is for sure.  I have a way of putting things that can cause an earthquake of a response which is usually why I’m the quiet one.  Let people figure it out on their own, be there to bandage up the wounds if necessary.  Clarity comes from experience.

Father failed to recognize mother has a problem and blamed my sister and I for all of it I now realize.  Part of me thinks he is glad we are gone.  That is a hard one to wrap around since I presented science not emotion as evidence.  Completely, ignored.  One of the most disapointing moments in my life.  Not sure what to do, I’ll go on with life as usual and leave them to themselves.  I will visit my sister and cross that bridge that we couldn’t cross before.  That will be another part of the story for the future.

One thing is for sure, I miss my sister.  -13